{"id":3320,"date":"2017-02-27T09:16:48","date_gmt":"2017-02-27T09:16:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mouthymoney.co.uk\/?p=3320"},"modified":"2025-03-03T11:24:55","modified_gmt":"2025-03-03T11:24:55","slug":"how-much-money-couples-share","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mouthymoney.co.uk\/pensions\/how-much-money-couples-share\/","title":{"rendered":"Baby I got your money: how much should couples share?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u2018Not tonight, love. I\u2019m tired.\u2019 That was me last week, talking to my marginally better half, Ed. We weren\u2019t talking about <\/span>youknowwhat<\/span><\/i> though. We were talking about our household budget. Sexy. <\/span><\/p>\n

Sometime ago, Ed helped me manage my finances to bring me out of a \u00a32,000 overdraft. It worked out well for him too because we\u2019ve been able to save since and I\u2019ve not been shackled by the ridiculously high interest repayments I\u2019d ended up with. We\u2019re still not footloose and fancy-free though. I want to buy stuff all the time; Ed doesn\u2019t want to buy stuff all the time. We compromise somewhere between that but generally I prefer to talk about anything other than the household budget. We are not alone in the struggle. I asked my mates on Facebook how they talk to the people they\u2019ve chosen to spend the rest of their lives with about money – and the results were quite surprising\u2026 <\/span>For the interests of privacy and the future of my friendships, all names have been changed.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Sharing is caring…sometimes<\/b><\/p>\n

The first question I posed to seven couples\u00a0was: do you share a bank account?<\/p>\n

Most people said yes\u00a0and that the decision was driven by an event that brought the need to pool resources such as a wedding or moving in together. It normally works that each member of the relationship will deposit a regular amount of cash into their joint account. But not everyone does that. Ladies and gents, may I introduce to you, the Receipt System.<\/p>\n

Alice and James, 30, are to be wed later this year. Alice tells me: \u2018We keep all receipts from purchases for food, booze, household goods, vet bills etc. They all go in a tin and then at the end of the month or thereabouts, we sit down together and add up how much each has spent and the difference and who owes who and how much. We always have a laugh and some bants doing this. I always make James cross off any cigarette related purchases and he scans, in a lighthearted manner obvs, for things like bikini waxing strips. The bills for the house and mortgage we split half and half.\u2019<\/p>\n

Another couple, Rachel and Max, who are both in their 40s, says\u00a0they\u2019d also started off with the Receipt System but abandoned it after a few years. \u2018I did ask for receipts in the early days to record in a manual book,’ Rachel explains. ‘If Max forgot to hand them over I would moan. However one day he did say this was too controlling and restrictive. I had got carried away with my accountant-like monitoring so I agreed and ditched it.\u2019<\/span><\/p>\n

‘We always have a laugh and some bants doing this. I always make James cross off any cigarette related purchases and he scans, in a lighthearted manner obvs, for things like bikini waxing strips.’<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

For richer, for poorer<\/b><\/p>\n

So far, so good. But what about the big stuff? For example, what if one of you loses a job or gets into an enormous amount of debt? We\u2019ve all heard the horror stories. Most of the couples I asked had spoken about it, but a few hadn\u2019t. However, that being said, I was broadly touched by the response. All of my friends said their debt would be shared.<\/p>\n

My colleague Martin says: \u2018I couldn’t do what I do if my wife didn’t do what she does. It’s a 50\/50 partnership.\u2019<\/p>\n

It is the same situation for Laura and Tom, who have also talked about what happens if one is not able to contribute as much as the other to household expenses. \u2018Recently I went freelance\u2019, Laura says, \u2018but up until this point we had been fairly evenly matched on salary. This did mean discussing months where I might not be able to contribute at my usual levels but we’re lucky to have reached a point where we could hopefully sustain ourselves short term on one salary, if needed.\u2019<\/p>\n

Equal partners<\/b><\/p>\n

Laura and Tom\u2019s situation has got to be pretty standard. Most couples will at some stage experience being unevenly matched on salary. Meet newly-ish wed Claire and Matt, 32, who both earn vastly different salaries – something that has posed challenges.<\/p>\n

\u2018I earn just over four times as much as my husband\u2019, Claire says. \u2018It wasn\u2019t always this way, so how we have managed it has changed over time. I used to earn roughly the same and we always split things in half. Then, as my wage went up and Matt\u2019s went down as he went into a new profession and was self-employed, what we now do is have a spreadsheet of bills for the month and split it in half.\u2019<\/p>\n

\u2018In reality most of the time Matt\u2019s wages just about or doesn\u2019t cover the half for the essential stuff and I’ll pay the difference. How much this annoys me and the unsteady income has a been a source of many arguments as you can imagine.\u2019<\/p>\n

\u2018We have had some terrible rows after one of us…me… has overspent and built up debt on the credit card.\u2019<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Cash seems to be consistently the number one source of arguments for loved up Brits, but what exactly are we splitting hairs over? Spending, it seems. Every single one of my friends said arguments started over disagreements on how much should be spent on particular items.<\/p>\n

Alex, 33, says his overspending has caused problems before with his wife. \u2018We have had some terrible rows after one of us…me… has overspent and built up debt on the credit card.\u2019 What about a resolution? Alex says a subsequent pay rise (his) has eased conflict over overspending fears, but what do others do to sort things out?<\/p>\n

Claire says she and her husband take a walk if they can\u2019t sort things out after a certain amount of time. \u2018We talk about it but if it\u2019s heated, we might go for a little walk and put an end point to how long we will talk to it – say 30 mins – if it\u2019s not resolved we will leave it and come back to it another day.\u2019<\/p>\n

Legal agreements<\/b><\/p>\n

By now, dear reader, you\u2019ll have gathered that romance isn\u2019t just about flowers. It\u2019s about hard, cold cash, and sometimes – drawing up legal agreements. Lots of couples co-habit and buy together without getting married. If both couples have different cashflow or have contributed vastly different amounts into investments (such as a deposit), agreeing what\u2019s fair is vital.<\/span><\/p>\n

Recently, Ed told me that I was welcome to spend as I liked with the joint account we both pay equal amounts into – providing it didn\u2019t exceed \u00a320.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

This is something Alice and Tom of the Receipt System were careful to do. \u2018I put quite a fair bit more into the deposit for the house than Tom,\u2019 Alice tells me. \u2018So there is a legal agreement that if things go tits up then I get a certain chunk back, he gets a certain chunk – basically what we both put in – and then any extra money we would make on the house would get split in two.\u2019<\/p>\n

No, no limits<\/b><\/p>\n

Recently, Ed told me that I was welcome to spend as I liked with the joint account we both pay equal amounts into – providing it didn\u2019t exceed \u00a320. He was joking (I expect) but it got me thinking about what kind of threshold couples set themselves for spending and where the bar sits for when they need to consult each other on purchases.<\/p>\n

Back to Rachel and Max, who\u2019ve been together nearly 20 years. ‘We discuss big purchases such as holidays or furniture, TV or phone contracts, something that both of us benefit from. But spending on \u2018stuff\u2019 – clothes, gadgets or nights out isn\u2019t specifically discussed. We have been together a long time and we have a good sense of what we can just go ahead with.\u2019<\/p>\n

\u2018Ollie likes to think that he has completely overhauled my financial health and he would swear blind to you that I am in a better place because of his \u2018wisdom\u2019.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Often it seems couples don\u2019t tend to talk about a spending threshold until one of them feels it has been breached. Alice says: ‘Tom has brought home things that I think to myself, ‘do I really want to pay half for things like irons and curtains that cost three hundred quid? I would never make these big purchases without checking with him first. I have never contested it though… apart from those <\/span>*expletive*<\/b> curtains which I refused to pay for\u2026\u2019<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2018You make me a better person\u2019<\/b><\/p>\n

I admitted earlier that my partner, Ed, had helped me clamber out of an overdraft. I wanted to know whether other couples felt their partners had changed their attitude to money or saving, for better or for worse.<\/p>\n

When is it the right time to tell your BAE about your debt or your billions?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mary, 35, has been with her partner for nearly a decade and says her partner has made a difference but that increased earnings also played a major role. \u2018Ollie likes to think that he has completely overhauled my financial health and he would swear blind to you that I am in a better place because of his \u2018wisdom\u2019. It is true to an extent, but I have always been fairly sensible and with increased earnings during our relationship I am in a position where I can save more now, but I have to admit that he is a good influence.\u2019<\/p>\n

When\u2019s the right time to share?<\/b><\/p>\n

Now time for the billion dollar question and my new business venture. When is it the right time to tell your BAE about your debt or your billions? Is it time for the world of dating apps to include three months\u2019 worth of a candidate\u2019s salary, just like when you get a mortgage?<\/p>\n

Not surprisingly, nobody took me seriously, including my colleague Martin, who went as far to say:<\/p>\n

\u201cOther than the obvious security issues, I can’t think of anything more unattractive than checking someone’s bank statements before asking them on a date.\u201d<\/p>\n

I still think the idea\u2019s got legs.<\/p>\n

What about you? Have any of the couples I\u2019ve talked to got similar experiences to you and your BAE? How do you share cash and how do you settle disputes? Let me know.<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u2018Not tonight, love. I\u2019m tired.\u2019 That was me last week, talking to my marginally better half, Ed. We weren\u2019t talking about youknowwhat though. We were talking about our household budget. Sexy. Sometime ago, Ed helped me manage my finances to bring me out of a \u00a32,000 overdraft. It worked out well for him too because…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":2808,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"image","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[24],"class_list":["post-3320","post","type-post","status-publish","format-image","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-pensions","tag-love","post_format-post-format-image"],"yoast_head":"\nHow much should couples share about their finances<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In a perfect world you and your partner never argue about cash and you both live like the Kardashians. 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